My good friend Shiloh sent me some old pictures in the mail and I had looked at them reminiscing about how thin I was in high school. But thinking back, I didn't think of myself as thin in high school. In fact, my junior and senior years, I was practically anorexic and had some really crazy diets to try to stay thin. I always felt like the fat girl, and maybe I was, but that is just me. I will probably never be a size 0, but maybe I can be a size 4 and that would be just fine with me.
I have noticed that lately when I look at pictures I feel like I look so enormous. Granted, I am probably the heaviest that I have been in my life right now, but I have been close to this weight before. Why am I so hard on myself? I have been at least somewhat overweight or bigger than my friends my entire life. When I look in the mirror, I don't really think that I am unattractive. In fact, I have always thought that I had a pretty face and great boobs (sorry, but it's true). However, when I see myself in pictures, all I can see is my double chins and fat arms.
Today, after reading that post, I made myself go back and look at all the pictures from my facebook albums and some from my sister-in-law. I made myself point out positive things about myself that I saw in the pictures, like that I looked really happy or that my hair looked nice there. I am who I am and even losing weight will not fix all my self -esteem issues. I will also probably never be asked to double for Jennifer Aniston in a movie. I need to learn to love myself the way I am, both for the person that I am and the way I look. I will end with a challenge to those who suffer from self-esteem issues (i.e. all ladies and most guys) to look back at photos you hated and try to find something positive in each of them.
In keeping with this challenge, here is a picture of me that my sister-in-law, Ryan, took and told me she thought was so cute. I hated it! I felt like I looked shiny and fat. But looking back, it was a happy moment with me and my puppy, Barley and it is actually a cute picture to me now.
3 comments:
Good for you. Now if you want to show some "really" cute pictures, I bet I could find some (naked baby pics!!). Ha! What you talked about in this post is a good thing. A really good thing. I'm proud of you!
I totally relate to this post. I have always felt I was overweight even when I look back at pictures where I was pencil thin. It's like, I have this idea in my head what I SHOULD look like so I am never content with what I look like now, even if it's actually a good weight. And then, when I hit my ideal weight, I think I need to look even thinner. It's like I can't enjoy and appreciate me NOW because I am always striving for something better or what I think is better. I have always been this way even as a kid and I know all of my friends are like this as well. It's hard being a girl in our society in this day in time. I respect your attitude and at least trying to appreciate Sam TODAY, not just the Sam you will be after weight watchers. Go Girl!
Did you really come dead last in a 5K????!! I seriously laughed out loud for a good minute thinking about that!
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