Middle School Confessions

So this Friday, I am going to speak at Career Day. I am going to Walsh Middle School where my friend Kathi P works. I will be talking about my job as a nurse and the nursing profession in general. In writing up what I am going to say (because I am a little OCD and need copious notes), I began thinking back to my own middle school days. I shudder to remember... I have often said that middle school is the most awkward phase of a person's life. I mean, seriously, your hormones are raging, you usually have acne and body hair and body odor. You face and hair are greasy and you usually have appalling fashion sense. Is anyone else with me here? Or have you all just blocked out the memories. Here are five confessions of embarrassing things that happened to me or that I did in middle school. It's a wonder that I survived...

1. When I was in 6th grade, my grandmother Elaine took me to the mall and bought me makeup. Yeah, no $1.99 makeup for this girl. I started with Clinique. Everyday, I would leave my house with a "naked" face and every morning while I waited for class to start, I would put on my mascara, blush and lip gloss. I felt so grown up... Except that I was a goober, who didn't think to wash off the makeup before I went home. My mom figured it out in about a week, I think. Maybe sooner. She was nice and let me continue wearing makeup since it wasn't really that much and looked awful anyway.

2. My family moved to Portland when I was in 6th grade and it was right at the beginning of the "grunge" era. I sadly, was taken in by this fad. I used to buy XXL Eddie Bauer men's t-shirts, khaki or colored jean shorts, flannel long sleeved shirts over my t-shirt, and Birkenstock sandals with socks. I bow my head to the fashion gods in humble apology. I don't even keep any pictures of myself in this time period around. Did I mention that I also had braces? It a wonder a man ever married me.

3. When I was in middle school, it was the first time that I had ever had to change clothes for gym class and I used to keep a hair brush in my locker at school. Now, we all know that they tell you to not share your hair brush with anyone. I tried really hard but one day this girl I knew forgot hers and I let her borrow it. And what happened....I GOT LICE! YUCK! Worst of all my hair was still pretty long at that point. Mom and I did one home remedy and then also Rid-x or whatever that lice shampoo was. It was so gross. Then, to make matters worse, my mom took me to get Glamour shots for my birthday a few weeks later (shut up, you know you loved Glamour shots too) and the girl who was doing my hair found more lice. I was SO embarrassed that I started crying in the middle of Northcross Mall. Mom was so nice, she took me for ice cream and then for a manicure. I did get rid of the lice after that, but I was traumatized. I don't think I have every let anyone use my brush again. I even cringe when Taylor uses my brush sometimes to comb his hair.

4. In 6th grade I went to public school in Portland. The schools at that time in Portland were not all that great. They had this thing called New Math. I am not really sure what it was supposed to be, but I remember they were always trying to have us count with beans in egg cartons. I don't know. But anyway, we had all these projects that we had to do. One was a probability project where you were supposed to have 10 red dots and 10 blue dots in one bag. You were then supposed to draw 10 dots out of the bag and see how many were blue and how many were red. It was a really stupid project and I did it just how the teacher stated I was supposed to. I made this pretty little poster board where I wrote up my results and I even pasted the bag of dots to it. The teacher gave me a D. My mom, who had seen that I had done the project to specifications, called my teacher to ask why I had received such a low grade. The teacher told her that I hadn't put all my work on my write up. My mom said that I did. The teacher said that I didn't make enough mistakes. How are you supposed to make mistakes by pulling dots out of a bag? Not eat them? The teacher told my mom that the school was more interested in students experiencing the process more than getting the right answer. Did I mention that my mom has a degree in accounting? That is about the time that my mom decided to start homeschooling me. This one might not have been so embarrassing. I just thought it was a good tale.

5. This story is not so embarrassing as just weird. Before we moved to Portland, I started 6th grade at Deerpark Middle School in Austin. I was only there for six weeks but I knew a lot of kids since we had all come up from elementary together. However, there were lots of new kids too. I met a boy... He sat next to me in Pre-Algebra class and would always talk to me. I was just sure that he was going to "ask me out" (whatever that really means). Then, my dad got a new job in Portland and away we moved. I was so sad secretly because I just knew that I could have had a boyfriend. Later, in high school, amidst all those student-teacher relationship scandals, there was a teacher at McNeil High School who was rumored to have had an affair with one of her students. I had a friend who went there at the time and he told me the boy's name. IT WAS THE SAME BOY I HAD ALMOST DATED IN 6TH GRADE. I mean, it probably wasn't that weird since he was like 17 and she was in her early 20s but still. Those student-teacher things gross me out. I am so glad that we never got together. I am sure that it would have lasted anyway, as so many middle school relationships do.

I am sure that there were more embarrassing things. Middle school was a really tough time for me and I am glad that it is over and I don't have to go back. Tomorrow, talking at career day will be close enough.