I got this email from a nurse pal the other day and thought I would share it along with some thoughts of my own.
1) The front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!' I think this might go for social workers and physical therapists to.
2) You occasionally park in the space with the 'physicians only' sign... and knock it over. I did actually do this when I owned the BMW. Who would know? And I didn't knock the sign over.
3) You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. This is my best friend's mantra.
4) You recognize that you can't cure stupid. Sad, but true.
5) You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them. I like Actonel pens the best, they write really well.
6) You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
7) You believe that saying 'it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can. I have seen this happen too many times to count.
8) You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil. I haven't done this but I have eaten out of an emesis basin before.
11) Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. The nurses in Minnesota used to do this all the time.
12) You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.' And, boy, is it annoying!
14) You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank. It's a special talent.
17) You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of. Mine would probably be more vaginas than any man can ever dream of seeing.
18) You believe that not all patients are annoying... some are unconscious. Another of my best friend's mantras.
19) Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays. Spoiler alert: You do not use the defibrillator on someone who is flat lining, or at least not to defibrillate them like you see on TV. Sorry.
20) You don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own. Very true, and if the blood is mine I might pass out.
21) You've sworn to have 'do not resuscitate' tattooed on your chest. Soon.
22) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you. I actually get in trouble for doing this all the time. I don't really have a filter for when people are eating.
23) Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change. Change that to delivery at shift change. I don't like cardiac arrests at any time. Period.
25) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. If only...
26) You believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce. Please, please, please.
28) You believe that unspeakable evils will be fall anyone who utters the phrase 'Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it? I think a couple of people have actually been beaten by nurses for saying that. You never use the Q word at work, it would be like erasing the last name on the patient board. It would just itch to be totally full in an hour.
29) You have ever wanted to write a book entitled 'Suicide: getting it right the first time.'
30) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say 'I have no idea how that got stuck in there.'
31) You've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably. Yep, when the stripper started counting out her $1 and when the hippie mom almost killed her husband and could have made a sailor blush with her cursing.
Hope you enjoyed those. Nurses are weird people, aren't we?
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3 comments:
An emesis basin??? Ick!!!
And...you really don't have a filter regarding appropriate conversation when people are eating. You and your Uncle Steve.
This is too funny! And yet, so true!! I really laughed hard at the (paraphrasing) "you tell your crazy pt the name of your coworker to call out"...lol, I just did that yesterday. I was helping out a friend by working the second half of her shift and it was not a fun day!
I love it! That is hilarious. I like the washing of the hands before you go to the bathroom. With all the people I see and some aren't the cleanest, I always wash my hands before I go to the bathroom (and sometimes after)...
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