Since my life is rarely exciting enough to blog about more than once a month, I have decided to start a series of blogs called Adventures in Nursing. I plan to share with my readers some of my grossest, funniest and most humiliating nursing experiences. I find that nursing is a constant source of amusing stories because you are dealing with other's most personal issues and experiences. I will, of course, avoid using names to protect the innocent. I hope that my readers will be able to appreciate these stories and begin to understand the twisted world that is nursing.
Story #1---THE STRIPPER AND THE PREGO
This story comes from my days as a Labor and Delivery nurse at a suburban hospital in Dallas. Let me first say that on my unit at this particular hospital we had a habit of calling the pregnant women, pregos. Since we were a suburban hospital we didn't see a ton of domestic violence issues with our pregnant patients, but we did get a few. Most were fights between husbands and wives but this one was a little bit different.
So, we are all sitting around the unit on night shift and it had been kind of a "slow" night (you never ever say that a night is slow in either L&D or the ER because bad things shall fall upon thee). All of a sudden, in walks a 5 ft pregnant girl of about 20 and her friend. The patient said that she had been in a fight and had been pushed to the ground on her stomach. So, one of the nurses walks her to a triage room, passing the entire glass window that ran along our nurses station. The two ladies were dressed in tube top dresses that ended mid-booty and both women had on knee-high patent leather platform boots with stiletto heels. We were able to hold our laughter in until they got into the room. You have to understand, most of our patients were soccer moms so tube tops and stilettos were a little out of the ordinary. When the nurse came back she states that this gal is the patient of one of our most conservative doctors and she had asked her twice who her doctor was because she couldn't believe one of his patients would look this way. This doctor usually had mostly very upper class housewives as patients who came in a full makeup for delivery.
Of course, the charge nurse chooses me to take care of this patient. I walked in and gave the patient a gown and told her to give me a urine sample please and I would be back in a minute. As I was leaving I glanced at her friend who was sitting in a chair by the door. Something was weird about the top of her dress, almost as if she stuffed her bra (not that she had one on) or something...
I came back out and gathered my supplies to run the usual bloodwork and one of the other nurses had gone ahead and called the doctor to give him a little update. The charge nurse decided that she had to go in with me to get another look and hear what had to be an interesting story. As we walked in the door, we glance over at the same friend and the top of her dress is no longer looking odd, she was sitting there with a lap full of cash! So, as I am standing there talking with the patient about what symptoms she is having, the friend is straightening and counting out her tips for the night! It was a little distracting to say the least. My charge nurse had to leave so she wouldn't start laughing. Turns out the little prego had gone to see her friend, the stripper, dance at one of the shadier strip clubs in Oak Cliff and as they were leaving a fight had broken out in the parking lot. My patient had been socked in the jaw and shoved to the ground by some big guy in the skuffle.
But never fear, the baby was perfectly fine and we gave the girl an ice pack for her jaw, which was going to be very pretty in the morning. I nicely suggested to the girl and her friend as they were leaving that perhaps the strip club is not the best place to be when you are 32 weeks pregnant. The patient agreed and promised not go out to the club again until after the baby was born.
I guess the moral of the story here is strip clubs and pregnant women don't mix, so if your best friend is a stripper and you just have to see her dance, maybe have her come to your house to show off her skills rather than chancing a rumble at the club!
Hope you enjoyed this first tale, there are more to come so stay tuned!
Story #1---THE STRIPPER AND THE PREGO
This story comes from my days as a Labor and Delivery nurse at a suburban hospital in Dallas. Let me first say that on my unit at this particular hospital we had a habit of calling the pregnant women, pregos. Since we were a suburban hospital we didn't see a ton of domestic violence issues with our pregnant patients, but we did get a few. Most were fights between husbands and wives but this one was a little bit different.
So, we are all sitting around the unit on night shift and it had been kind of a "slow" night (you never ever say that a night is slow in either L&D or the ER because bad things shall fall upon thee). All of a sudden, in walks a 5 ft pregnant girl of about 20 and her friend. The patient said that she had been in a fight and had been pushed to the ground on her stomach. So, one of the nurses walks her to a triage room, passing the entire glass window that ran along our nurses station. The two ladies were dressed in tube top dresses that ended mid-booty and both women had on knee-high patent leather platform boots with stiletto heels. We were able to hold our laughter in until they got into the room. You have to understand, most of our patients were soccer moms so tube tops and stilettos were a little out of the ordinary. When the nurse came back she states that this gal is the patient of one of our most conservative doctors and she had asked her twice who her doctor was because she couldn't believe one of his patients would look this way. This doctor usually had mostly very upper class housewives as patients who came in a full makeup for delivery.
Of course, the charge nurse chooses me to take care of this patient. I walked in and gave the patient a gown and told her to give me a urine sample please and I would be back in a minute. As I was leaving I glanced at her friend who was sitting in a chair by the door. Something was weird about the top of her dress, almost as if she stuffed her bra (not that she had one on) or something...
I came back out and gathered my supplies to run the usual bloodwork and one of the other nurses had gone ahead and called the doctor to give him a little update. The charge nurse decided that she had to go in with me to get another look and hear what had to be an interesting story. As we walked in the door, we glance over at the same friend and the top of her dress is no longer looking odd, she was sitting there with a lap full of cash! So, as I am standing there talking with the patient about what symptoms she is having, the friend is straightening and counting out her tips for the night! It was a little distracting to say the least. My charge nurse had to leave so she wouldn't start laughing. Turns out the little prego had gone to see her friend, the stripper, dance at one of the shadier strip clubs in Oak Cliff and as they were leaving a fight had broken out in the parking lot. My patient had been socked in the jaw and shoved to the ground by some big guy in the skuffle.
But never fear, the baby was perfectly fine and we gave the girl an ice pack for her jaw, which was going to be very pretty in the morning. I nicely suggested to the girl and her friend as they were leaving that perhaps the strip club is not the best place to be when you are 32 weeks pregnant. The patient agreed and promised not go out to the club again until after the baby was born.
I guess the moral of the story here is strip clubs and pregnant women don't mix, so if your best friend is a stripper and you just have to see her dance, maybe have her come to your house to show off her skills rather than chancing a rumble at the club!
Hope you enjoyed this first tale, there are more to come so stay tuned!
1 comment:
I remember you telling me about this one. Adventures in nursing indeed! LOL
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